Progress Further
by CatMuto
Summary: One-Shot Collection of Xillia and Xillia 2 themed stories. Could contain any character.
1. Questioning Himself

_Namco owns the rights to the Tales of Xillia character._  
 _I'm merely using this as an expressive way to 'correct' pairings, heehee._

* * *

Jude leaned back in his chair, stretched himself as hard as he could and relaxed with a huge sigh. Finally, it was finished. Spyrite technology was complete, technically. The theory all worked out and he had also gotten practical results. Now all that remained, was to do some tests and see if his personal experience would get the same results with other people and then get the highest of higher ups to give the okay to let things happen.  
Finally. It had taken so long...  
Ten years. Ten long years of sitting over his notes, in the same hard chair and often through the night in his lab. So many headaches and migraines, so many frustrated tears spilled when he had the momentary, insane bouts of wanting to give up. All of that was behind him. Well, maybe. Hopefully, things were going to go smoothly from now on.  
"Dr Mathis?" a voice called in surprise and he turned, seeing Mary come into the lab. "...are you early or still here?"  
"Early?" he asked in return and grabbed his GHS, checking the time. "Oh. I spent the night."  
"Really now..." she sighed and cocked her head to the side in exasperation.  
"It was worth it. I got it. Finally."  
"Really?!" Mary gasped and Jude nodded.  
She rushed towards him and then hesitated for a moment, clearly wondering if what she considered was appropriate, then proceeded to give him an energetic hug from the side before letting go again just as fast. She said something about rushing off to tell Balan and get coffee, slamming the door behind her as she left.  
Jude couldn't help but smile. Over and over, it had looked like their attempts were going to fail, repeated stalemates having cropped up and then that whole fiasco with their prototype actually enslaving spirits, rather than allowing them to help through their own means. And even after that was resolved, the one breakthrough he had gotten shortly after he stopped research on their prototype was not as great as he had thought or hoped it to be. It worked... once. Further attempts at recreating the spectacle, even under similar circumstances, just didn't work out.  
He sighed again, his head on his hand.  
"There we go." Mary said when she re-entered a few minutes later, with Balan in tow, and a tray holding several mugs of coffee on it in her hands. The two approached Jude's desk and stopped. He was slumped sideways over his desk, his head cradled against his lower arms, fast asleep. They could see relief etched in every line of his face, so they decided to let him sleep. He had earned it.

* * *

When he was home later, laying on the couch after a shower and changing into other clothes, Jude decided to just relax for now. His head was thumping slightly from the all-nighter and the nap he had at his desk, that lasted an hour, wasn't enough to balance him out. Balan had looked at his notes and complimented him on them.  
He had sent a text to everyone and even the others were congratulating him.  
Of course, he wasn't capable of sending a text to Milla, even if he wanted to tell her the most. But perhaps she already knew, if she was able to see what was going on in Elympios and Rieze Maxia from the spirit realm. That thought comforted him, but he couldn't help but also feel disappointed. He always wanted to tell her personally that it finally worked: a technology that could allow Elympions to not give up their ways of life, that they had gotten so used to, without the drawback of it killing off spirits. If things worked out and spyrite technology would get wide-spread over both worlds, Elympios' dry areas would flood again, forests would flourish and the soil would become more fertile again. And then, they could... live together...  
Jude sat up suddenly, frowning heavily. Live together? What was he saying? His reason for working on spyrite technology was never to get him and Milla together...! It was always to help Elympios, after he had seen how gray and heavy the atmosphere there felt, even more so when he learned that the same could happen to Rieze Maxia, too, if things didn't change. Certainly, there was a part of him that had hoped it would work, that spyrite technology would also mean that spirits and humans could easily go between realms and mingle easily, but...

 _"Creating a physical form for myself in this world requires a large amount of Mana..."_

He had completely forgotten. Milla had told him that, it wasn't just a simple matter of switching from one realm to another, like Muzét, who could do that easily. And even if spyrite technology became the norm, the world's mana was still finite and it did not change anything about that. It wasn't a spring of mana, it was merely preventing the current situation from getting worse...!  
Suddenly, his work seemed pointless on some level. Perhaps the part in him, that had hoped he and Milla could 'live together' after his research brought results, was bigger than he first liked to admit. A subsconsious desire that only hit him now, when he realized how futile it had been to hold onto it.  
Then his mind went even further.  
Say that things did work that way. Spyrite technology was used all over, a spirit taking on corporeal form in the human realm did not eat up mana and it wasn't limited in how long it held. Even if it all worked out, even if he and Milla lived together happily... she was still a spirit. And he was still a human. Eventually, he would die and Milla would still live. And she'd keep on living. And even centuries after his death, Milla would still be alive and-  
His phone made him jump, ripping him out of his darker, twisting thoughts.  
"M-Mathis." he answered, his heart hammering hard.  
"Jude, 's up?" Alvin's cheery voice came across, the background being noisy by itself. "Congrats on finishing that thing again; I want to invite you for drinks or does your brain still hurt too much from thinking?"  
"Ah," Jude held his head, still trying to get it straight again. "no, I'm fine. Yeah, sure, I'll take you up on that."  
It was probably a good idea. He had the feeling that, if he stayed alone for the rest of the evening, his thoughts would get worse.

* * *

Film Noir was filled with its typical noise, though Jude was able to find Alvin easily enough and slipped opposite him into the booth. Alvin hadn't changed too much over the last decade. He still kept himself dressed in impeccably well-kept clothes that were probably more expensive than they looked, though he held his slightly long hair back into a low ponytail now and a small blue feather stuck into it. Yurgen had an identical feather in his hair, which he had worn for years, but it had become the symbol of their partner business.  
"Yo, Jude." he greeted him with a grin, raising his drink.  
"Hey." he said back. "Thanks for inviting me, I really needed something to distract me."  
"Head still filled with science-babble?"  
"...not really." Jude admitted and the waiter came to the table, notepad in hand. "Ah, I'll have a beer."  
"Oooh, the big professor will be actually drinking alcohol?" Alvin teased when the waiter left.  
"Hey, I've drunk before." the younger replied almost defiantly.  
Neither of them said much while Jude's order was prepared. His beer arrived and they did their cheers, but there was still not much said. The conversations going on around them filled the bar more. Their drinks depleted, Jude absently running his finger along the condensation on the mug's side and Alvin kept watching him.  
"You don't seem overjoyed at your success."  
"What?" Jude looked up, ripped out of his thoughts. "No... no, it's not that. It's just... you know how hard I've been working on this. Ten years. But when I thought about it, I realized that... not everything is going to work out."  
"What do you mean?"  
"...Milla won't return because of this."  
"Well, yeah." Alvin replied. "You never got that before?"  
Jude shook his head.  
"...you know, there's something I've wanted to ask you for years." Alvin said and leaned forward, forcing the other to lock eyes with him. "Are you in love with Milla?"  
Jude started forward and wanted to retort 'Of course I do' immediately, but something stopped him. It just didn't want to slip off his tongue so easily. Maybe because nobody had ever openly, blatantly confronted him about it. Nothing was ever discussed, it was never brought up. It was treated as a known fact, but...  
But? Now that he was asked, he felt uneasy.  
He admired Milla. He certainly did. The human incarnation of Maxwell, the Lord of Spirits. Even when she wasn't the real Maxwell, she encompassed his duty, his desire of protecting the people of Rieze Maxia much better than he ever did himself. Jude admired how strong Milla was, how independent she acted, even when it was at the worst of times and only served to backfire on her and leave her injured. Even her flaws were admireable.  
And when she learned of Elympios, she quickly decided to protect the people from that world, too. And when she decided to forego the option of being reborn as a human and live out her life in peace, instead becoming the new Maxwell, because she knew 'Maxwell' was still needed for both the spirit and human realm, it had been a sacrifice that was the best for both worlds.  
Jude held his head.  
Now that he had succeded in completing his technology, was the rest of his intentions going to fall apart? He had been so sure of everything for so long, but now he was getting the rug ripped from beneath his feet over and over.  
He sighed deeply.  
"I..." he started. "I don't know."

* * *

If you think my writing that Milla's flaws are admireable is going over the line of shilling her to high heavens, you obviously haven't played Xillia. I think I was pretty subtle, compared to the fart-smelling most of the characters (and Namco) did to her for majority of the game. On both routes.


	2. Broken Bonds I

_Namco owns the rights to the Tales of Xillia character._  
 _I'm merely using this as an expressive way to 'correct' pairings, heehee._

* * *

Jude was slowly waking up, his head still fuzzy from deep sleep. Keeping his eyes closed, he stretched his legs and only registered a bit how the sheets felt different on him than they usually did, but he wasn't awake enough to really care. For some reason, his mouth felt drier than it did on most mornings and he moved one of his arms, rubbing it across his face and yawning, trying to get rid of the sleep in his eyes. He finally opened them, feeling a sense of warmth and content that came from the small amount of sunlight streaming into the window from the gap between the curtains.  
Wondering a bit why his other arm was feeling heavy, he finally noticed the human shape in bed with him.  
Startled, Jude tried to sit up, but his right arm was being used as a pillow and he couldn't move much. Trying to calm down, to not jump to conclusions, he took a deep breath and leaned over slightly to look at the person's face. He knew it was pointless to do so. He knew this person for so long, he had recognized her as soon as he saw her from behind.  
Leia. His good friend from childhood, Leia.  
Falling back and sighing, Jude tried to make sense of this. His mind was beginning to wake up thanks to his little surprise and, dreading the revelation, he lifted the cover and peeked underneath. As he had assumed, he was naked. And so was she. Letting go of the blanket, he ran his hand through his hair. Even if he thought this was some insane, contrived coincidence that led to Leia sharing the bed with him, it was clear this was not the case; his mind was beginning to remember last night.  
He had slept with Leia. No doubt about it.  
It was still in bits and pieces, but the more important memories popped up and he knew that's what had happened. Trying to fish for more of them, Jude remembered that they had been at the inn's bar at the port. Some celebration was going on, like a milestone anniversary of the inn's and several of their group were there. But exactly how that celebration had resulted in him and Leia getting into bed like that was still unclear to him. There was still a gap between 'inn' and 'bed' for him, including majority of the act itself.  
He threw a furtive look at Leia. She was still sleeping blissfully, he could see her chest rising and falling slightly with her low breathing. Her lightbrown hair was tussled and a feeling spread through him, a dim memory of having run his hand through it yesterday. Jude couldn't help but blush at the thought.  
Leia moved around, turning towards him and the sunlight fell onto her face. She instinctively lifted her hand to shade it and opened half an eye, rudely awakened by the light. Her gaze locked onto Jude for a bit while she was trying to wake up enough.  
"Mh? Mh," she mumbled, clearing her throat sleepily. "morning."  
"Uh, morning..." he replied, fidgeting slightly and blushing.  
She yawned and cuddled up to his chest, closing her eyes again, probably still intending to sleep.  
Jude wondered why she wasn't reacting to being in bed with him. Perhaps she didn't care. Maybe she had a better memory of last night and, hence, wasn't as surprised as he was. Though the most likely answer was probably that she was just not awake enough yet to really register what was going on. He remembered the two of them sleeping in the same bed when they had sleepovers as children, but this situation was different from that. Very different.  
"Say, what time is it?" Leia muttered, yawning again.  
"Huh? Um," looking behind her, Jude checked the time. "It's almost noon."  
"Hmmm...?" Leia sat up, the cover falling down to her hips and revealing her naked torso, looked over her shoulder at the clock and stifled another yawn. She scratched the back of her head, unaware how her breasts were practically presented and Jude flushed at their sight, quickly lowering his gaze onto the folds of his sheets, intent on not looking up.  
"That late already?" she wondered and turned back, noticing Jude's behavior. "Jude? What are you... pfft! Are you embarrassed? Come on, last night wasn't the first time you've seen me like this!" She couldn't help but laugh at the way his entire face was a growing shade of pink and she wiggled herself out from the blanket and swung her legs onto the floor.  
Jude sighed quietly, now that he mostly just saw her backside.  
"Well, at least I'm awake now." Leia said and stretched. "Okay if I take the shower first?"  
"Yeah, go ahead." Jude answered and watched her getting up, crossing his bedroom completely nude, bending down here and there to pick up her strewn clothes off the floor. She left the door open and he could hear her opening the door to the bathroom. Jude turned onto his back and sighed deeply, flexing his right arm and bending it, now that it wasn't used as a pillow anymore.  
He knew what Leia had meant when she said it wasn't the first time he had seen her naked, but that was mostly an occurrence when they were younger and less inhibited about their bodies. Although he could remember a time when they were both preteens and Leia had proudly shown him how her breasts were beginning to grow. Looking back, it was a very awkward and embarrassing moment, but it just didn't bother them at the time. And even so, things had changed now.  
They had slept with each other.  
That was a line that was simply not crossed between childhoodfriends. Not that Leia seemed to mind, but she always had been the type to take things in stride. She might even be thinking that she shouldn't make a big deal out of this, as freaking out about it would unlikely help either of them. Perhaps she was having a delayed reaction? Jude had to admit, with a smile on his lips, that she could be a little slow at times. He could hear the shower going and internally yelled at his imagination to stop thinking how Leia looked under the shower stream, washing her body. Not that it mattered, Jude obviously knew every part of it now.  
"Shower's all yours." Leia said when she returned, fully dressed and her wet hair brushed back.  
Jude had barely moved while she was gone, absently rubbing the biceps of his right arm and staring at some point on the curtains. His gaze wasn't very conclusive, but there was something in it that made her worry a little and she walked toward the bed. She saw how his lips were curving down at the edge and she crawled onto the bed, leaning over him.  
"Jude? You..." she began and saw his eyes move, focusing on her, and she stopped. There was definitely something she wanted to say, but she hesitated, trying to find a different way of doing it. "...are you regretting this?"  
Jude's eyes widened in surprise at her words.  
He wouldn't use the word regret, he was still too unsettled about this entire thing, so he couldn't deny or admit it immediately. But what really made him hesitate was how Leia looked at him. There was worry in her eyes, worry about him and how he was taking this, but also something that looked like she was pleading. And, finally, something that looked like she was trying hard, and failing, at holding those emotions back. Jude sat up and thought for a bit, before putting his hand on Leia's.  
"No. I don't regret it." he answered.  
Leia gave him one of her typically big smiles in return.

* * *

After Leia had left for her job, Jude went into the bathroom to take a shower himself. He was intent on just standing in the shower, letting the water drum onto his head and his mind wander, trying to work things out. He turned the shower on a bit hotter than he usually did, but it helped him. It woke up his mind and body more, let him remember last night.  
They were walking from the cross-section to the apartments, leaning a bit closer than they usually did against each other, and the elevator ride to the second floor was short, but uneventful. Yet, somehow, they had started kissing in front of his door. But there was still a jump in his memory. He couldn't remember who had done the first move. There had also been a scuffle with his key. Trying to get it into the keyhole, the little item travelling from his fingers to hers, entwining with each other and having difficulty opening the door by inserting the key backhandedly, all while not interrupting what their lips were doing to each other.  
Jude felt himself blush at the memory and he lifted his head into the stream of water, rubbing his hands over his face.  
After he turned the shower off and stepped out, drying himself off, he noticed how his back and shoulders were slightly burning. Perhaps the water had been a little too hot and he looked over his shoulder into the big mirror cabinet over the sink. There were some fine scratches and small, sickle-shaped imprints around his shoulder blades and they were more visible because the warm shower had made his skin flushed. A short flash rose up in Jude's mind, how Leia's nails had scraped slightly across his back last night and how they had dug into his skin a bit during particular passionate moments.  
"Jeez..." he sighed, embarrassed despite his being alone, and rushed into his room to put on clothes.  
But as he picked up his white coat, he hesitated. He didn't feel up to working today, he knew that he would be too distracted to really do anything productive; not that the research had been advancing very well lately, anyway. And he mostly didn't feel like going outside and having to deal with a lot of people. Glancing at his desk that was littered with papers, he figured he could just as easily stay home today. He doubted he could get any work done, but at least he could attempt to try to get something done, without a colleague's footsteps making him jump when he was lost in thought.  
Sighing, Jude sat down at his desk and picked up his GHS, seeing a new message notification on the display. A little worried that it might be from Leia, he cautiously opened it and exhaled in relief. It was from Alvin. And, taking a peek at the time it was received, it had been hours ago, when he was still sleeping unaware next to Leia.  
'Yo. Made it home okay?' it read.  
Jude began to type out a simple 'Yeah, made it.' and then hesitated.  
Maybe he should fish for some information from Alvin. He was certainly there, he might be able to shed some light onto a few things for him. Had he left _with_ Leia? Or had they left separately, but within such a short time of each other, that one easily caught up to the other and things had just proceeded from there? Perhaps asking anything, even something inconspicuous, would backfire horribly and Alvin would figure out what it was that Jude really wanted to know. And then Alvin would begin to bombard _him_ with questions. He wasn't sure if he could answer all of them or deal with it, so he just sent the short reply.  
Alvin called not long after that.  
"I was wondering what took you so long to answer." he said instead of a regular greeting.  
"Mh, sorry. It's just..." Jude answered, not sure how to explain himself.  
"Long night?" the older one asked and there was an audible grin in his voice.  
Jude started at those words, giving a tiny gasp. Had Alvin guessed? Or did he know? Somehow, this teasing tone that didn't tell him anything definite made him feel really uncomfortable and he had an urge to stop the call that instant, but he didn't. It was rude, but he couldn't help but admit that a part of him also really wanted to question Alvin about this.  
"Jude? You still there?"  
"Huh? Y-yeah."  
"...hey, I just got my hands on this great coffee blend to import. Got some overstock, why don't I drop by and we can test it?"  
"Sure. Sounds great." Jude answered, feeling a sense of relief sweep over him.  
Alvin said he'd be there soon and ended the call. Now that he knew he was coming over, Jude wanted him to hurry. He wanted to ask him all sorts of questions, get all kinds of details from him that he could help him with. Because he was beginning to feel afraid of trying to remember last night by himself. The more came to him, the more ashamed he felt and the more confused the rest of his feelings became. Maybe getting a second-hand view of how the very beginning happened would calm him down. But he knew that was impossible, he would continue to string pieces together, even if he didn't want to.

* * *

It was their second cup of coffee of the new blend Alvin had gotten. It had a heavy, but also pleasing aroma to it and a smooth texture that almost reminded one of cream, without adding any condiments to it. And aside from some complimentary comments about the blend, not much had been said between the two up to now.  
Now that he was here, Jude felt awkward to just blurt out any questions to Alvin. So he held the coffee mug between his hands and tried to relax in the armchair he sat in, wondering how he could breach the topic. But either Alvin decided to not talk about it, didn't care or was waiting for a good opportunity himself.  
"So." Alvin suddenly said, breaking the silence between them, and leaned back against the couch. "Did Leia take you home or did you manage to make it on your own, after all?"  
"Huh? Oh, so we left together?" Jude asked and then blushed, realizing he had sort of admitted more than he wanted.  
"Mh, you did. You don't remember?" Alvin responded. "Well, you were kinda getting a little beyond giggly. You're actually a pretty funny guy when you knock some back, you know that?"  
So there had been alcohol involved. Jude had sort of already suspected that, especially given the whole celebration thing at the inn, but he hadn't been entirely sure. Though he had no idea how much he had drunk. He didn't do it a whole lot, so he probably was a lightweight when it came to it. Maybe he should ask Alvin how much he had had, to explain how inebriated he had been to actually go that far with Leia. But maybe Alvin didn't know, he wasn't his supervisor and probably didn't pay attention.  
"...Whoa."  
"Huh?" Jude looked up, ripped from his thoughts.  
"No way. You and Leia?" Alvin asked, surprise clearly all over his face.  
"Uh... i... is it noticeable?" the younger asked in return, blushing furiously and fiddling with the mug in hand.  
"Yeah, your behavior makes it really obvious. Also," Alvin said and gave a nod at the open bedroom door behind Jude. "I can see a rather unmade bed in there. Hey, maybe I'm misinterpreting and you tend to not make your bed in the morning. What do I know?"  
"O-Oh..." Jude looked behind himself and noticed the bed, too. "W-well... you're... not?"  
"Guess congratulations are in order!"  
"Con-congratulations? W-why would you say _that_?"  
Alvin studied the flustered guy across from him and leaned forward, putting his head onto his hand.  
"Well, you two have advanced your relationship, right? That's a good thing."  
"No! That's...! How can you... don't you know..." Jude stuttered and gasped, getting so agitated that he jumped up from the armchair, but stopped himself from continuing. After a few seconds, he sighed heavily and sank back into his seat. "No, look, Alvin... it's not as simple as you, you know, seem to see it. It's just... nevermind. It's nothing."  
He had wondered if he should, or even could, explain to Alvin how complicated this whole thing was. It was true that their ways of growing up were vastly different and that Alvin had been taught to backstab anyone if it was to his advantage. He had no idea if this guy had any childhoodfriends or if he had ever had doubts of betraying them if necessary. It would probably be difficult to get him to understand how deep such a longstanding connection can go and how it was often reliant on a sense of balance, a line that should never be crossed between such friends. And yet, Jude had done exactly that.  
"Hey, sorry." Alvin apologized, looking uncomfortable. "Ran my mouth there."  
"It's okay... it's... complicated..."  
"But I thought you had planned this." he continued and earned a confused look from Jude. "Didn't you? I somehow had the feeling that you, either of you, wanted to progress past your 'friends' stage and become more. Did I read the atmosphere wrong?"  
Jude stared at Alvin.  
The idea that he had planned this was beyond his comprehension. It wasn't something that he had thought of doing. And even if he had, he never would have gone through with it without talking to Leia about it first. Or... perhaps they had talked about it? Last night, before they had made it to his bed. Even before they had made it to his door. Maybe on the way to his apartment? Although, could such a topic be properly discussed in such a short span of time? If they had, and agreed to it, it might explain why Leia was so cool with everything this morning. Rubbing his hands over his face, trying to rack his brain and remember things, Jude sighed. And then froze for a second, his eyes wide in shock.  
"...Jude? Buddy?" Alvin asked, worried.  
"I... don't... maybe..." Jude mumbled to himself, his eyes darting all over the place and his eyebrows furrowed together. Then he focused on Alvin and looked nothing short of tortured. "I don't remember if we used protection...!"  
"Ooooh, man..." the older sighed in sympathizing fashion.  
"I think we did... but... maybe not..."  
Alvin watched Jude mumble under his breath for another minute, obviously trying to answer this important detail to himself.  
"Tell you what," he said and got up, giving a fatherly pat onto Jude's shoulder. "you'll relax, buy some of this awesome blend I brought over and then talk to Leia. She is the only other person who can answer any of this for you."  
"Alvin...!" Jude sighed in annoyance, but somehow felt a little relieved at the same time. "This is no time for your jokey business."  
"I know, I know." Alvin replied, grinning. "But better to be inappropriate than letting you stew over this and going insane, right?"  
"I guess..."

* * *

A few days later, Jude was waiting for Leia to drop by for dinner. He had given himself, and her, some time to calm down and deal with what had happened. Not that he had gotten a lot of dealing done himself. He was still having gaps from that night, but did remember the more... eventful parts, which tended to leave him in emotional, and physical, discomfort. But he figured that any missing part could be filled with Leia's help, including whether they had actually been careful or how they got to going so far. And that was the main thing. What he wanted, was to really discuss it with her. Talk about how it happened, how she felt about it and dealt with it, what this would mean for their continued relationship... especially that last part was important to him.  
Then he heard knocking at his door and hurried to open it.  
"It's pouring out there...!" Leia sighed with a smile, holding a very wet and drippy umbrella to her side.  
He let her in and she put the umbrella into the stand next to the door. She had managed to keep majority of herself dry, except for the top of her boots, which had gotten wet while walking. But other than that, she seemed fine and her usual self. Jude couldn't help but admire that about her, that she seemed so okay with what had happened. Perhaps she had even been okay with it much sooner than he had. But the good part was, no matter what, they could talk about it now.  
"Need any help with the cooking?" she asked and followed him halfway through the living room and stopping at the archway that led to the kitchen. A pot was filled with boiling water on the stove and some other ingredients were already chopped up on one of the counters, ready to be tossed into a pan.  
"No, it's fine." Jude answered and grabbed a bag of noodles. He had to do it now. The atmosphere was relaxed, easy and starting the topic up now would be easier, maybe even continued to be discussed over dinner or after. "Oh, by the way, Leia... um..." he continued, fiddling with the bag and feeling nervous. He looked over his shoulder at her. "About, you know..."  
"Mh?" Leia looked at him quizzically, seeing the faint blush on his cheeks. "Oh. Mhm?"  
"Well... hehe," he laughed nervously, feeling himself growing hot and sweaty from embarrassment. "little awkward, right?"  
"I guess, a bit. Though... it wasn't bad." she admitted, blushing herself.  
Jude couldn't answer right after that. He wasn't sure what she meant by that. That it didn't bother her that it had happened? Perhaps she was complimenting him for the night. That thought gave Jude a weird, twisty feeling in his stomach and a slight sense of happiness that he was almost ashamed of feeling. It wasn't what was important, nor was this the time for it...!  
He had to keep talking.  
If he let a silence go on for too long between them, the thread of conversation would rip and bringing it up again would be more difficult. He racked his brain, trying to figure how to keep going, what to focus on next and needed to ask the most. Taking a deep breath, he held it for a second and then exhaled.  
"Yeah... Leia, see, I... um, I kind of have a little gap there," he stuttered, hesitating. "I can't quite remember, did we use protection?"  
Leia looked at him for a bit, studying his figure from behind.  
He could tell himself how awkward and uncomfortable his pose must be, but he couldn't help it.  
"Well, yes and no." she finally answered, looking coy.  
"What do you mean?" he asked, turning towards her.  
"Well, you did use some at first," she elaborated. "but, later, you didn't."  
Jude's eyes grew wide as he heard her words. Suddenly, his feet felt like they were made of lead, heavy and anchoring him to the floor and being the only means of keeping him upright, because his legs were starting to feel like jelly. No. Not like jelly. More like hollow glass that he could almost hear beginning to crack and break. The twisty feeling in his stomach got worse, only now it wasn't with a sense of happiness, but of dread and horror. He almost felt nauseous.  
"Ehehehe... hehe, oh man." he finally stuttered, trying to play it off cool and only noticing too well how he was beginning to get a cold sweat underneath his clothes. "Ah, the things that alcohol can make you do..."  
"What?" Leia answered, chuckling in disbelief and cocking her head at him. "Alcohol has nothing to do with that. It doesn't change who you are, it only makes you do things you've wanted to, to begin with."  
"True, true..." Jude agreed, though he wasn't convinced.  
And there was something that was beginning to bother him. It had been faint, but somehow, the tone of voice she had used for the beginning of the sentence had changed as she kept going. He wasn't sure how to describe it, but the almost joking way she had said 'What' sounded genuinely confused and amused. And that note had disappeared as she kept going. Maybe he was just imagining it.  
"Say, do you know, if... uh, no, I mean, are..." he scratched the back of his head, trying to get himself to say those words that he knew were on the tip of his tongue and were bound to explode. "Are you pregnant?"  
"...maybe." she said flatly.  
Jude started so hard, he almost lost grip on the noodles he was still holding and stared at her, his mouth hanging open. He was beginning to feel dizzy, that simple answer had hit him like a bomb. His mind was jumping ahead, wondering of the possibilities and consequences this would bring. His research took up most of his time, and money, so supporting a child would be difficult. His apartment was for one person. Finding a new one? Problematic, with the money issue. They'd have to get a new home together. A house. Or an apartment, big enough for three. Or more, if she had twins. Or worse. Perhaps they could move back in with their family. Living close enough to care for the child. And they'd need to tell their parents. Sonia would kill him. If Warrick didn't do it first.  
No. No, no, he had to calm down. Jumping to conclusions wasn't helping anyone at that moment. One step at a time. She wasn't sure, so there was still the chance that she wasn't pregnant and he could be worrying over nothing. If she was... well, that was a bridge to cross when they got there. First, he had to react, to reassure Leia that it would be okay. Nothing was clear, nothing was set in stone, so they could relax a bit and then talk about vague ideas of 'what next'. Yes, he had to focus on Leia first. After all, she was the one who would be carrying the child and he was sure that she was just as stumped by this as he was. He took a breath and sighed.  
"Well-" he started, putting a small smile on his lips and an unclear expression on his face to make her feel easy, but stopped.  
The atmosphere had changed.  
It felt heavy, like the air was groaning under the weight of the situation. And he could tell it had started while he had been lost in his initial reaction, his irrational thoughts. The slight hint, that he had thought had been his imagination, had been real. And it had only gotten worse. He was almost too afraid to open his mouth to say anything. But Leia was standing there, still in the archway, and had her arms crossed in front of her chest, her head turned away and down. He couldn't quite see her expression, but she was obviously clenching her jaw together and her lips were set in a resolute, straight line. Then he noticed how she was shaking slightly.  
Jude stepped a bit closer, tentatively reaching out a hand. Was she crying? Or shaking with fear?  
And then, something in his mind popped. He wasn't sure how he came to think of it, but it was like it had been there for a long time, something that he had simply ignored or overlooked. But it suddenly seemed so clear to him. He was dreading the answer, but he had to ask, had to know if this little idea of his was true, after all.  
"L-Leia...?" he asked, his voice breaking with the strain of forcing himself to talk. "I never thought, but are... are you in love with me?"  
Leia flinched and turned towards him with an almost heated force, her usually sweet, green eyes glaring at him through tears.  
"This?! _This_ is what makes you realize it!?" she snapped at him, practically yelled at him, and he instinctively stepped back. "After years, this... this is what it took?! Not the cooking or the time we've spent together or how... I became a _nurse_ , so that I could work alongside you when you became a doctor!"  
"But...!" he stammered, trying to explain, to justify himself. "But you never said anything...!"  
"That's not something that can be _said_ easily!" she screamed, her voice breaking with sobs in-between her words.  
Then she turned and rushed out the door, slamming it behind her, leaving Jude behind with his confused thoughts.

* * *

Stay tuned for the second part!  
Told from Leia's view and how this will continue to affect both of them.


	3. Broken Bonds II

Namco owns the rights to the Tales of Xillia character.  
I'm merely using this as an expressive way to 'correct' pairings, heehee.

* * *

Leia cowered in the corner of the elevator, making herself as small as possible as the rectangular box descended. She had run out the door and slammed at the elevator button, with the doors thankfully opening instantly, and rushed inside. She wasn't sure, but she thought she had heard Jude's apartment door open and him call for her. Whether it had or hadn't happened, she ignored it. She just wanted to get away. To be left alone with her thoughts and feelings, which were both whirling inside her head.  
Even if the elevator had only to descend two floors, it had never felt like taking this long. She wanted it to hurry, to have the doors open and let her out, so she could keep running. Before she lost control of herself completely. Though she knew she couldn't do that.  
Not yet. It wasn't... 'safe' to do yet.  
The elevator stopped and, thankfully, finally, the doors opened. Leia got out as soon as the gap was wide enough and jostled past some people in the hall and out into Trigleph. Into the rain that she had escaped several minutes ago. It was pouring down heavily, most people were running past her, trying to get through the rain without getting too wet, into buildings or under awnings. Nobody paid attention to the young woman, whose face had multiple, thin streams running down her face, leaving it difficult to tell what tears and what was simply rain. Tucking her head in, she briskly walked towards the train station. Sometimes she was fighting through waves of people, sometimes she was swimming with the tide as the inhabitants moved all through the city to get away from the rain.  
She would have had run into the doors of the train station, if they hadn't opened automatically.  
The inside was filled almost to the brim. Half the people were from Trigleph itself, refusing to go outside into the rain, figuring that staying here was better than walking through that weather and risk getting soaked to the bone, waiting for it to ease up a bit. They were sitting, standing, talking with neighbors. The rest were obviously from outside of the area, heading to the ticket machines, then turning away in a dejected manner and trying to talk to the train attendants, who were gesticulating and talking to them, obviously trying to calm them down. Though it wasn't working all that well.  
Making her way through the crowd, Leia got closer to the ticket machines and then saw what had agitated them. All the machines were turned off, each with a sign stating 'Train Services Temporarily Closed Due To Heavy Weather Conditions' stuck onto them. Turning, she saw that even the large display hanging from the ceiling, that usually showed the next train's time of departure and destination, was changed to show nothing but the same message, urging any passengers to please remain calm and patient.  
Her shoulders sagged as she saw that and felt like she was going to collapse in on herself. No, she wanted to go _home_. To go home to Leronde, to her sometimes strict mother, but who always had comforting words for her. To her father, who was able to cheer her up. To her room, to just fall into bed and hide beneath the covers until she stopped feeling. Turning away from the display, she headed back out of the station and into the rain again, intent on going to her second home. A small apartment she had gotten after being hired by the Daily Trigleph for the sake of convenience, living closer to work.  
She headed down a sidestreet near the station and into a building that looked similar to the apartment complex that Jude lived in. Similar layout, similar design, which usually didn't bother her. But now it just put her emotionally back into his apartment, which she was trying to not think of right now. Even the interior of the elevator was the same, fake wooden panels halfway up the walls and soft carpet on the ground to give the illusion of a luxury environment. Hoping that the ride to the fifth floor would be non-stop, with none of her neighbors wanting to get onto the elevators themselves, Leia began mumbling to herself. Just a bit longer. That's all she needed to do before she could break down and let herself feel the full extent of her heartache.  
"Just a bit... just a bit..." she muttered, clenching her hands together. Then the elevator stopped at the fifth floor and the doors opened, letting her leave and hurry down the hall to her home. Fishing for the key in her pocket, using her left hand to hold her right hand steady, put the key into the keyhole and unlocked the door. Finally, she stepped into her home and closed the door behind her. Then leaned against it and let herself slide down its length, onto the floor, and took a deep, shuddering breath.  
"Hh...!" she gasped, her voice got stuck in her throat and she huddled into a pile of a broken heart on the floor, letting her feelings come out. The hurt of Jude obviously rejecting her love for him; the pain of him having lied to her about regretting that night and her own shame at having read too much into it. It all came out, in all its loud, sobby, inelegant and unintelligible way.

* * *

Leia lay on the floor, not sure how long she had cried. But she felt drained and exhausted now, lying in a pile of water that had collected on the stone floor from her hair and clothes. She noticed she was shivering and began to feel cold, though her head was hot and throbbing with pain. Sniffing, she got up slowly and dragged herself to the bathroom.  
She turned on the small lights next to the glass cabinet, not wanting to use the ceiling lamp. The bathroom wasn't too bright, of course, but it suited her just fine. She leaned over the bathtub and turned the metal knobs, holding her hand under the stream until it was hot enough for her, and closed the drain. Plopping a little sack of herbs into the water, Leia watched the tub begin to fill. Slowly, she took off her various layers of clothes, each of them falling with a wet, slappy sound onto the floor until she was naked. She happened to catch a glimpse of herself in the mirror and properly looked at herself.  
The low light in the room made her contours stand out more, making her puffy, red eyes easily noticeable. She was so tired from crying that she could barely keep her eyes open and her gaze travelled down further, her fingers stroking over her cleavage. They had faded, but the love marks from that night were still visible. There were quite a few of them and she knew that there had been a lot more just a few days ago, spread across her torso and back. Leia put her arms around herself, shivering slightly, whether it was from remembering the night or because she was cold wasn't clear, so she turned and got into the tub.  
"Haaah..." she sighed, feeling the hot water envelop her and she turned the knobs again to stop the stream. Leaning back, she exhaled and tried to relax. Somehow, her shoulders and legs were feeling tense and she could guess that she might be sore tomorrow. Of course her mind went to her scene with Jude earlier and the night they had spent together. And she couldn't help but blush about it. Sure, it had surprised her when Jude suddenly made her turn her head and kissed her in the hall. She was stunned, but had thought it was just something that came from the emotional high they had from the celebration and stopped him, but then he had kissed her again and... it had felt like it was more. Like there was more of an obvious intent behind it. Having always dreamt of kissing him like that, it had made her happy and she had reciprocated. Had it been wrong to think that, perhaps, Jude felt the same way and thought there was more in it? Maybe if that had been all that had occured.  
But then they had slept together. And it hadn't just been a... quick fling. They had slept more than once with each other in that one night. She blushed and ran her hands over her arms, remembering how gentle Jude had been the entire time, caressing her face, her breasts, her thighs... how considerate and tender he had been. Just remembering made her feel all warm again.  
"That's... not how you..." she muttered to herself and then stood up energetically. "That's not how you sleep with someone you'd regret sleeping with, dammit!" She quickly started shivering outside of the water again and lay back down, letting the water come up to her shoulders. She almost felt embarrassed over her emotional outbreak, but it just had to come out. It wasn't silly of her to think that Jude loved her, too, when he had been gentle and considerate all the time, sighing her name almost as often as she had his.  
And they had looked into each other's eyes, too.  
She had felt happy, fulfilled, while sleeping with Jude. And she had thought it was the same for him, given how their 'one time' had been more than once. Though that might have had more to do with how the afterplay had lead into more foreplay and they had kept going from there. But always, the same gentle, slow pace as before.  
"Argh, enough with these thoughts...!" she said and grabbed a nearby washcloth, dunked it into the warm water and put it over her eyes, leaning back to relax and turn her brain off for a while, letting herself float in the water.

* * *

After feeling warmed up and drying off, Leia sat on the edge of the tub, wrapped in a towel. She was feeling better now. Still tired, still hurting, her eyes still burning a bit, but overall not as terrible as before. Thinking that she had an immediate remedy for the eyes, she got up and opened one of the doors of the glass cabinet, reaching for a little bottle of eyedrops in it. After plopping a few drops into each eye, she was putting it back and her gaze fell onto the pregnancy test on the lower shelf.  
She stared at it.  
Just like Jude, she was a bit worried that their night had resulted in something. She didn't think she would get a believeable result after only a few days had passed, but it had been an on-the-spot purchase while out shopping. Honestly, she still had no idea how she would feel about either result. She'd be scared, of course. She had a good job, but was still a rookie and it would be difficult to juggle job and child, especially if she were to decide to go back to her family in Leronde, for some extra support. Though that would also depend on whether Jude would help... she shook her head. Of course he would help. He was just that type of guy, always taking responsibility. But she didn't _want_ him to help because of responsibility. Only if he actually wanted to be a father to the child and care for it. Alongside her or preferably alone. And if she wasn't pregnant, then... horray? She wasn't sure if she would have been sad or relieved. Although, now that she knew that Jude didn't feel about their night the way she did... it would probably be better.  
Closing the cabinet door, Leia headed to the bedroom and put on underwear and her rattiest, most comfortable pair of pajamas with a pineapple pattern on it, before throwing herself into bed and pulling the cover up to her head. The pillow felt cool under her head. Sighing deeply, she knew that it was too early in the evening to really go to bed. But she didn't feel like staying up much longer, she was too emotionally drained and keeping her eyes closed for a while would only do them good.  
She was ripped out of her sleep by her alarm going off hours later.  
Disoriented, she sat up and turned it off, looking at the time. It was 7 AM and she lay back down, sighing. She had forgotten to turn the daily alarm for her job off. She was still tired. Weird dreams, full of expired milk and cards had kept her mind going in her sleep. Turning around, she pulled the cover up to her eyes and made it darker, so she could fall asleep easier again.  
It actually took her a few days to get herself going again.  
She knew she was moping, puttering around the apartment and not going outside, taking frequent naps.  
But after a few days of that, she decided to pull herself together again. It was when she was picking up the clothes she had let fall onto the ground, festering there in their puddle of wetness... and the freshly used pregnancy test waiting in the sink, that she realized that her shorts felt unnecessarily heavy. Giving it a slight shake, she frowned.  
"Ah...!" she gasped and threw the clothes in her other arm into the laundry basket, quickly picking through the pockets of her shorts. She had forgotten that she had left her GHS in there! It felt cold to her touch, of course, maybe a little bit damp, but wiping across the screen and pushing a few buttons, she could see that it wasn't damaged from being stuck in a wet pocket for a few days. Heaving a huge sigh of relief, Leia checked her display for any missed calls.  
There was an uncommon number of missed calls for just a few days of not answering. Wondering if work had called her about some scoop that she had missed out on, she checked the numbers. One was from her mother's GHS, who, grudingly, had finally gotten one to keep in touch with her daughter, telling her how she had gotten this device now. Not even one call from work, though one number called her repeatedly. She had an incling on who it had been and, finally, the last call from her voicemail service.  
Taking a deep breath, she called her voicemail number and listened to the automated message of the number of messages she had.  
"U-Um, Leia..." Jude's voice came up. And then he hung up suddenly.  
"I... no... um, s-sorry...!"  
"..." only a short breath heard, before he hung up for this message.  
"I'm sorry."  
"No, wait, nevermind the last... I mean..."  
Two more messages of nothing but him hanging up immediately.  
"You're acting really immature about this...!"  
"I'm sorry about the last message! I didn't mean that... what I meant was..."  
"Um... look, it's... no... I... nothing."  
"Look, Leia, I think... I know we need to talk."  
"I'll be home all day, if you want to drop by... or just call..."  
"You obviously don't want to talk..."  
"I've been thinking... I'm really sorry... for a lot. But... are you ignoring me? Or maybe you dropped your GHS behind a dresser again and forgot all about it. Either way, can you at least call me? ...it would mean a lot to me."  
"Jude..." she sighed, hearing his changing emotions over the past few days. Sometimes frustrated at her, sometimes with himself, maybe even sad about this and, mostly, awkward. The voicemail informed her that there were no new messages left for her and began talking about the options she could do with the messages now. Stopping the call, Leia stared at her GHS for a bit, unclear on what to do next. Just like Jude, she was torn. But, after having been the one to storm off, she was the one who had to make the first step.  
'I forgot something at your place. Can I come over?'  
Though it was not a very long text, it had taken her quite some time to type it. Her fingers had been shaking like crazy, making it difficult to hold it in her hands and she had to correct a few typos on the way. But mostly, her thumb had hovered over the send button for a bit, not sure if she was ready to send it yet. But she did.  
And she jumped almost a foot when she had a short answer just a few seconds later.  
'Sure. Come anytime.'

* * *

Jude opened the door when she knocked and walked into the hall/livingroom further in. Seeing that as a silent welcome, Leia entered and closed the door behind herself, but barely moving away from the door. The atmosphere between them was a mixture of awkward, tense and a general sense of exhaustion. Like both had been dealing with their own feelings for so long, that they simply didn't have the energy left to deal with them more. But maybe this would let them have an easier time to calmly talk about things.  
Jude held the umbrella she had left so many days ago in his hand and held it out to her. She got closer and took it.  
"...thanks." she mumbled, holding the umbrella close to her and looking at the floor.  
"It's nothing..." he replied.  
Both were quiet for a while. Leia wrung the umbrella in her hands, trying to figure what to say first. She knew she had to break the silence, at least to explain her suddenly running out of his home. But there was something else that she had to say, too. But she just wasn't sure which one she should tell him first. She had to pick one...  
"...I'm not pregnant." she admitted.  
She could hear his feet shuffle on the floor with her words, but not much else came after. Lifting her head slightly, though not any higher than to his hips, and saw him thrusting one hand into his pocket and his free arm moving up, like he was scratching the back of his head. He shuffled his feet, switching which leg he was putting his weight on.  
"...are you sad?" he asked, a slight note of embarrassment in his voice.  
Looking up in surprise, before dropping her head again and letting her arms drag by her side, she frowned. She had looked at the test before leaving and hadn't really taken the time to gauge her reaction to it. Or how she felt about it. Was she happy? Was she sad? Trying to rack her brain, to figure out her emotions, she rubbed her free hand against her forehead. Perhaps she was feeling something else that couldn't so easily be put into the simpler words.  
"I don't know..." she finally admitted, looking ludicrously at him.  
"I see." Jude said and looked at her with a gentle smile on his lips. "To be honest... I feel relieved."  
"Mh..." Leia nodded. "...I'm sorry I ran out like that. I just... felt hurt. I probably should have told you how I feel. Years ago."  
"No, no, that's okay." he told her, rubbing the back of his neck. "As you said, it's... not something that can easily be said. Although, in hindsight, I should have noticed it earlier. Heh, you weren't very subtle at times."  
Leia couldn't help but snort slightly, remembering some of the more drastic measures she had taken to get Jude to notice her.  
"I'm sorry for hurting you. Like that. And..." he hesitated a bit. "I can't give you an answer. It's not that I don't love you, just... I'm... not entirely sure _how_ I feel about you. Especially now. And especially after..." He threw a furtive glance towards his bedroom door. "But I don't want to give you some kind of... halfhearted answer to humor you. It wouldn't be fair."  
She licked her lips and swallowed. His words were gentle, just like he always was, but she couldn't help but notice how much they made her chest hurt. She had always played out scenarios in her mind of her confessing and his answer, of course, she always preferred the ones that would end with Jude happily reciprocating, but this was not really one she had prepared herself for. Though it wasn't really a rejection... or a reciprocation. It wasn't even a 'I like you as a friend, but' line of thought. But it was an acceptance of her feelings. And his being honest to her about his own indecisiveness _did_ feel better than simply accepting to please her.  
Even though she told herself that, it still hurt.  
"Thanks, Jude. That means a lot to me."  
"Also, I'm sorry for blaming alcohol..." he continued, hanging his head in shame and apology. "I remember everything now and, well, I recall I barely drank anything, so... it's not really like alcohol had any part in this... though, I still don't know what came over me..."  
She wasn't sure what had, either. Part of her had been motivated by her own, long-ignored feelings surfacing up at the moment, thinking that he had realized his own and acted on them. But as for him... a sudden burst of passion? Perhaps an emotional need for bodily comfort. Maybe even just a primal instinct. Whatever it was, it had been enough to cloud both of their minds for it to go past a mere few moments of confusion, leading up to more. The more had happened. And now they had the consequences to deal with.  
Dropping the umbrella to the floor, Leia threw herself against his chest, her fingers clawing themselves in desperation into his shirt.  
"I'm so sorry, Jude!" she sobbed, trying to say more when she felt him return her embrace.  
" **I** 'm sorry! For ruining this...!" he replied, his own voice breaking.  
And they both stood there for some time, clinging to each other like they were drowning, crying noisily and hating themselves that it had come this far. That their long bond of friendship, of being closer in a way that was deeper, yet different, than lovers had broken over something that could have, should have been prevented. Crying over their lost friend.

* * *

You know, I actually ship these two as a romantic couple. Contrary to most childhoodfriend romances, I actually believe there is something that could actually progress into a lasting, romantic relationship that could make them both happy. Just that I think they would need to work things out first, before daring even a planned step to advance past what they are familiar with.


	4. Handicapped

Namco owns the rights to the Tales of Xillia character.  
I'm merely using this as an expressive way to 'correct' pairings, heehee.

* * *

Her head was buzzing and the inside of her ears felt weird, like someone had pushed something with a lot of pressure inside.  
"Uh..." she flinched, waking more and slowly opened her eyes, a strip of light streaming through the gap of the closed curtains shone immediately into her face, so she closed her eyes, turned her head and opened them again, trying to focus on her surroundings and get rid of that strange white, shadowy imprint the sudden light had left in her line of sight.  
"She woke up!" a soft, sweet voice gasped in delight. "Rowen, get the doctor."  
"Yes, ma'am." another, deeper voice answered and there were footsteps, a door opening and more footsteps.  
Blinking slowly, she saw the bedroom she was lying in with a calming, blue colorscheme on the walls and furniture. Turning her head a bit, she saw Driselle sitting in an armchair near her, looking at her with relief in her eyes. Wondering what was going on, she tried to sit up, but Driselle leaned forward, putting a gentle hand onto her shoulder and pushed her down a bit.  
"Please, don't try to move until the doctor has looked you over, Milla."  
"Mh... we made it out of Gandala? What about Nachtigal?" she asked, dimly remembering running after the guy in the Fort, but after she attacked him, she somehow couldn't quite remember the rest. Just a blur of movement, some loud noise and then darkness.  
"We did." Driselle answered with a nod. "And Nachtigal left. But that's not important right now."  
"Awake and talking. That's already a good sign." a stranger said upon entering the room. He was a tall, stout man with slight streaks of gray in his hair. Obviously, he was a doctor, with the tell-tale white coat and the stethoscope he had around his neck. Driselle vacated the armchair and the doctor sat in it, a small, tent-shaped briefcase on the floor next to it.  
A doctor? For her? What for? She felt quite fine, the headache notwithstanding.  
"Let's take a look how your head is, before checking the rest." the doctor said and shone a small flashlight into her eyes, moved a finger up and down and to the sides, telling her to have her eyes follow it and pressing her forehead, asking her to tell him if anything hurt with an unnecessary force. But it was nothing. His fingers on her forehead certainly hurt, but not to an extent that it felt worth mentioning. She had known worse moments, like the feeling of almost drowning when she lost The Four at Fennmont.  
"Alright. You feeling any dizziness?" he asked and she shook her head slightly. "Then sit up, please, but slowly."  
Using her arms and elbows, Milla pulled and sat herself up. The doctor had her lift her top a bit, using the stethoscope to listen to her chest and then asked her to turn, listening to her lungs. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary. Then he moved the cover off of her, letting it pile up at the end of the bed, and that's when Milla noticed for the first time that her legs were bandaged.  
When had that happened? She remembered the thick, heavy ankle bracelets she, Elize and Driselle had on them at the Fort.  
But she couldn't remember... had her legs gotten injured?  
"Tell me, if anything feels funny." the doctor told her, though there was a strange undertone in his voice. He picked something out of his bag that looked like one of the tools Jude had used for cooking once, with a little, spiked wheel on it. Starting from her toes, he slowly ran it up her calves, past her kneecaps and up to her thighs, past where the bandages covered her legs. "...do you feel that?"  
"No." Milla replied bluntly.  
Twirling the tool in his hand, the doctor pushed his thumb into her thigh and held it there, putting pressure onto it.  
"Nothing?"  
"Nothing." she repeated in the same voice.  
The doctor seemed concerned.  
"Can you move your legs?" he asked.  
Wondering what a strange question that was, Milla frowned. She had moved her legs for 20 years, of course she could. But when she tried to actually do so, nothing happened. Even if she forcefully thought or told her to brain to move her legs, they just lay there on the bed, bandaged and with a red circle on her thigh that came from the doctor's thumb's imprint. Confused, Milla leaned forward and slapped her flat hands onto her kneecaps. There was no reaction. Not that she had expected one from that.  
She could hear Driselle gasp lightly in a corner of the room. The doctor told her to turn, lifting her legs for her and made her sit on the bed, with her legs bending over the edge. Grabbing a tiny hammer, he knocked it a few times against each kneecap. Again, her legs didn't move, didn't twitch and gave no reaction at all. The doctor grumbled, mumbling to himself under his breath.  
"Doctor..." Driselle asked, obviously worried. "Are they paralyzed?"  
"Yes. Completely." he answered. "From toe to thigh. Maybe even her waist. Please, lie down again and turn on your side."  
Following his order, Milla did so and he used the little wheel again, this time going to the top of her thigh and further.  
"There." Milla said suddenly, turning to look over her shoulder slightly. "I feel that."  
The little wheel was just at the part that changed from hip to leg. The doctor mumbled again and put the cover back on her.  
"I'm sorry, but your legs are completely paralyzed. The only upside I can see, is that it isn't up to your waist."  
Paralyzed and completely? The words didn't make sense. Her legs had worked for her life up to now, so why shouldn't they do so now? That was a silly idea, anyway. Legs didn't just _stop_ working, after all. They had no mind of their own, nor were they fickle in any way. While she was wondering why this could happen, the doctor talked in a low voice to Driselle and left.  
"Milla. Let me open the window, some fresh air will do you good." Driselle said, moving to the other side of the bed and opening the curtains and opened the window, letting the sun shine into the room.  
"Driselle." Milla said, turning her head towards her. "What happened?"  
The young woman flinched, her hand still on the curtain clawing into the fabric a bit. She was visibly shaking, trying to think of a way to tell her what happened, though she didn't know all the details herself, having only seen the aftermath. Taking a deep breath, Driselle steadied herself and searched for simple, but right words.  
"I don't know all of it, but when we came out into the hall, you were unconscious and... y-your legs were all... mangled..." she stuttered, her mind remembering the horrible image of Milla lying on the ground, her boots torn and scorched in places, the skin on her legs burnt or bleeding. She pressed her lips together, like the memory made her nauseous. "But I think it was the ankle bracelets. Remember, Gilland said that they'd explode if we left the prison area... you ran off before we could open yours. They must have exploded when you chased after King Nachtigal."  
"I see." Milla answered calmly, looking up at the white ceiling.

* * *

Milla sat up in bed and moved the cover off her legs, staring at them. They were looking just fine, actually, except for the bandages. And even those looked like one would expect bandages to look. Nice, cleanly wrapped in a methodical fashion that had the left one wrapped counterclockwise and the right one clockwise. The idea that they wouldn't move when she wanted them to still seemed impossible. Wanting to get up, Milla pulled herself to the edge of the bed and had to grab her legs to swing them over the edge.  
She stared at her feet on the carpeted floor.  
She didn't feel it.  
Frowning, Milla dimly remembered a time several years ago, back in her shrine. She was very young, still a child and she remembered telling Undine how her foot was feeling numb after her latest meditation. Her foot had felt like it had been filled with cotton or some other fluffy material, but was now beginning to feel all tingly, like a lot of tiny, little needles were repeatedly shuffling inside her foot, stabbing her over and over. It had confused her. Undine, understanding and patient with her as always, explained that her foot had 'fallen asleep' and that the tingling was the foot waking up again.  
Somehow, her legs felt similar to that numbness all those years ago.  
"Wake up..." Milla muttered, remembering how moving around had caused the tingling to start up. So the same should happen now, too. It was logical. Telling her brain to make her legs move, to no avail, she stubbornly pushed herself off the bed with her arms and stood... feeling for a tiny second like she was floating, then her knees buckled and she slammed loudly onto the floor, feeling her elbows make uncomfortable contact with the carpet, scratching her up.  
Footsteps hurried outside and the door was thrown open.  
"Milla!" Jude gasped, looking concerned.  
Obviously, he had been told about her condition and probably understood it better than she did. Jude came over to her and leaned down, putting her arms over his shoulders and his own under hers, pulling her up and helped her settle into an armchair that was standing nearby. Making sure she was sitting safely and comfortably, Jude straightened up.  
"...how are you taking this?" he asked, his hands fiddling with each other awkwardly.  
"What do you mean?" Milla asked bluntly.  
"Huh? About your legs... not working."  
Milla looked at an unspecific point on the carpet and frowned. She didn't understand his question. What was there to think about? It still didn't make sense to her for them to not do what they were supposed to. Perhaps she hadn't moved enough. If it worked on her foot years ago, then it should work on her whole leg, albeit with more work put into it, right?  
"Milla...?" Jude said, seeing her look angrily at the floor. Having studied medicine, he understood the doctor well, even when he began to go off on a tangent full of medical terms that confused most of the people nearby, so he knew how bad the situation was for Milla right now. But he felt like she wasn't in the mood for any company at that point, so he thought it'd be best to leave her alone. "Milla, I'll leave you alone for now. But if you need anything, just... yell or something. I'll come and help you right away."  
She nodded slightly, registering his words and he left the room, closing the door behind himself.  
This was stupid!  
She slapped her thighs a few times again, trying to wake her legs up. While she felt her palms reacting to the force of the hits, her legs were not reacting at all. Slowly, Milla put her hands onto the arms of the chair and gripped them tightly, pushing herself up into an almost standing position. She clenched her teeth. Her arms were shaking from holding her weight, her waist hurt from the strange position she was in and her legs... were just there. Not quite floppy, not quite stiff, they were turned and bent at a strange angle and trying to put any weight on them didn't work. Sighing loudly, Milla let herself fall back into the chair.  
She felt exhausted from that little stunt.  
Halfway lying in the chair, Milla let her eyes wander through the room. The flowers in the vase next to the bed were fresh, which somehow made her think that it was Driselle's little hobby to stock the house with them. She saw some birds on the windowsill, picking at it, looking for something. Finding nothing, they flew off and out of her sight.  
Somehow, watching them, made her slowly realize what it meant.  
Her legs... weren't moving. They were paralyzed and, given the doctor's tone of voice, it was permanent. There was nothing that could be done about this. She was left to being unable to stand, to walk or do anything with her legs without some form of assistance.  
How stupid! How asinine!  
Slamming her fist onto one of the chair's arm, she honestly felt frustrated about this. What a nuisance it was to her. She had things to do and this was just an inconvenience to happen. Annoyed, Milla pushed herself up again and immediately crumpled into a kneeling position on the floor. Hissing, she punched the chair again and began to _crawl_ across the floor to the bed. The door opened a few moments later and Jude entered again, seeing her slowly making her way by way of her arms.  
"Ah, Milla, let me give you a hand-"  
"I can do this." she replied tensely.  
"Milla, just-"  
"I'm fine, Jude!" she snapped at him and made it to the bed, putting one arm onto it and pulled her upper body up, clawing her way across the width of the bed and dragging her legs behind her. Jude watched her, so intent on not asking for any help, and muttered a low apology before leaving again. Milla ignored him, moving her legs with her arms into a straight position and lay down again.  
This was really inconvenient, right down to annoying...!

* * *

Milla couldn't remember if she ever had had a worse night. Again and again, she had tried to make her legs move, either by using her brain to do so or she used her arms to lift them, bend them, move them and them still falling as soon as she let go. She grew more and more frustrated, biting her lip and getting angrier at the minute. And then she eventually gave up.  
As she was lying there, on her back and underneath the cover, staring up at the ceiling and nothing to do... she began to think. And she hated it. She hated her inactivity. She hated just sitting or lying somewhere, doing nothing. She didn't mind it when it was meditating, as it allowed her to empty her mind and focus. But this was nothing like that. She wasn't able to get into her usual position for meditating, which made it difficult for her to properly do it. Instead, her mind went to places she didn't want to.  
Making her realize what her lack of useable legs meant.  
Her mission... would be impossible to complete. If she had no way of walking or travelling without relying heavily on someone else, it would unnecessarily complicate things. And what kind of Lord of Spirits would she be, if she couldn't do anything on her own? Even the lowest grunt of Exodus would laugh at the amazing Maxwell on the floor, yelling threats of death at them and swinging her blade from below. Well, she might be able to slice their legs off and put them into a similar situation to hers, but otherwise...  
But even ignoring that, if she couldn't fulfill her mission, she would be...  
"I'm useless..." Milla said out loud to herself.  
And to her surprise, she felt the corner of her eyes burn and she sniffed. Quickly putting her hand to her face, she wiped her eyes and felt it getting wet. She was crying. The idea of not being able to complete her mission... hurt her. So much, that she cried. Confused, she rubbed her eyes. Milla had always known how important her mission was to her, but to this extent? But somehow, the more she thought about it, she realized that... her mission was the reason for living. She had nothing to do, except her mission to destroy Exodus. With that gone, she had no goal. Even her journey up to now had left her with nothing to potentially fill a void.  
Except, perhaps, for eating. But was that something that could be called a hobby?  
Feeling sick to her stomach, Milla turned her upper body to the side and, grumbling, used her arm to flop her legs sideways.

* * *

"Milla." Jude said the next morning, entering her room. "I think we can fix your legs!"  
Milla looked at him in surprise. Was there really a way to fix her lame body parts? After having finally managed to fall asleep, having spent hours feeling horrible about this, she was groggy. And while her head didn't buzz as it did the day before, she had an annoying little sharp, stabbing pain on her right temple, though she was trying to ignore that. If there was a way to fix her legs... but she shouldn't expect too much. She mustn't get her hopes up, only for them to come crashing down.  
"Oh?" she asked and saw him nod enthusiastically.  
"I remember my dad, who's a doctor, having some technology that can help with lame body parts." Jude told her. "I'm sure it'll work on your legs, too. I already asked Driselle for some help to prepare getting to Leronde."  
"Leronde?"  
"It's my home. And my dad's practice is there, too."  
She nodded and Jude helped her up, carrying her on his back down the stairs, where Rowen and Elize were talking and Driselle waved in greeting. While she and Jude began to talk about how things were ready to get them to the nearby port, Milla thought how fast things could change. If what Jude said was true and his father could help, perhaps it was okay for her to think positively. Maybe even to allow her hopes to raise a little bit. Right? Jude carried Milla out the door, where a horse was waiting. Rowen hurried over and lifted Milla off the young man's back and put her onto the saddle of the horse. Jude walked to the other side of the horse and, when Rowen moved Milla's leg to the other side, he grabbed it and made sure it was placed in the stirrup, albeit unmovingly.  
"Are you sitting comfortably, Miss Milla?" Rowen asked.  
Comfortably? The leather of the saddle was sticking to the skin of her thighs and, she had to admit, it was feeling a little stiff on her crotch and her legs were, of course, just limply hanging off the sides of the horse. But it was working for now and the sooner she made it to this healing technology, the better, what did the comfort matter that much?  
"It's fine." she answered.  
"Do I really have to stay?" Elize asked Jude, holding Teepo close to her chest.  
"Mh. You're safe here with Driselle and she said she'll make sure you'll be comfortable. Rowen is here, too, after all." Jude answered her, leaning down to her height. "Besides, this will be pretty boring. But once Milla's healed up, we'll probably drop by."  
Elize still looked a little sad about not coming along, but smiled a bit and nodded.  
Jude took the reins and began to lead the way, looking behind him for a bit and waved to them.  
As they proceeded to the port, Milla was lost in thought. She had felt dreadful when she thought of herself as useless during the night, but now that it was light again, she somehow felt stupid for thinking that. Of course, if Jude's father wasn't able to help her, she had no idea what to do next... but she shouldn't jump to conclusions. But Jude had sounded so sure about it, there was no way this was going to backfire, right? The ride on the ship would take a day, perhaps. Maybe longer? She had no idea where Leronde was or how far away it was from Sapstrath port. But looking forward to a cure, it might make the ride feel like it was going by faster.  
"Ah!?" she was ripped out of her thoughts and felt herself fall hard onto the ground, her legs spread at weird angles, one flopped up to her left shoulder. She couldn't quite tell if the position was uncomfortable or quite the opposite.  
"Oh, Milla!" Jude gasped. He blushed at her wide-spread legs and looked away, all while obviously trying to suppress a snort at her strange position. He coughed, rubbing the back of his head. "A-are you hurt? Um, need a hand?"  
"No." she replied, using her arm to push her leg down and sat up. She looked around. The boar had run off and so had the horse, perhaps back to Driselle. And they hadn't walked all that far to the port yet. While she could see it in the distance, it was still a good walk away. And that was not something that she was going to manage.  
And then there was Jude, kneeling in front of her with his back turned to her.  
"What-"  
"I'll carry you." he said before she could finish.  
A part of her wondered why he thought that was best. The horse couldn't have run off that far yet, so he could look for it. And if it had happened to make it all the way back, he could pick it up again, even if it meant he had to go back on his own. But perhaps that's why he wasn't even mentioning that. He didn't want to leave her on her own, especially when she couldn't properly protect herself. So maybe this was the best, and fastest, way to actually proceed. But it was difficult to actually get the piggyback to work.  
Milla managed easily to halfway climb onto his back, but Jude had to lean forward to get her limp legs to flop enough so he could grab them and then slowly got up, adjusting his grip slightly. He sighed and set off down the road again. They were not as fast as they were before, but there was that proverb of slow and steady winning some metaphorical race.  
Not that she ever understood that saying.  
As they made their way, more that Jude was making his way, to the port, they were fortunate enough to not meet any more boars or similar. But Milla began to not really like the carrying thing. It made her feel weak and dependent, which was an unfamiliar feeling to her and she couldn't say it was one she particularly relished. Although she couldn't just say she'll do it on her own... while she could maybe make it to the port, it would involve crawling and not a very fast pace.  
"Jude." Milla said.  
"Eh? What?" he asked, beginning to pant slightly from the strain.  
"Yesterday, I yelled at you. It was wrong of me. And must have startled you. Hurt you."  
"Oh. No, really. It was okay." he told her. "I mean, maybe it hurt a little, but I can understand why you said that."  
"...Good." she admitted. At least he understood and sounded like he forgave her for that.  
The rest of their journey to Leronde port was uneventful.  
There was certainly that moment where Ivar popped up, despite her precise and repeated orders, and decided to get into a fight with Jude. Not that she cared much for it, she had made sure to get away from that as fast as she could. Given how all she could was throw herself onto the ground and crawl, she didn't get very far. But at about that moment, Ivar and Jude had realized what she was doing and stopped. That was an upside and she hoped that her telling Ivar, again, to go back and stay in Nia Kheria would work this time.

* * *

Leronde Port actually looked similar to the port of Sapstrath, though there was no visible sign of an inn right near where the ships came in or left the area. Though, since Jude told her a bit about Leronde on the way over, she knew that there was one. Leronde was a port town to begin with. And the way it sounded, the food in Leronde's inn was one of the best he had tasted.  
As soon as her legs were, hopefully, healed, Milla knew that she _had_ to eat there.  
"Whoa, move, move!" a voice called out and Jude, with Milla on his back again, took a step back. Two kids that were pushing a wooden wheelchair were careening past him, with an older girl sitting in it. At their speed, they were heading straight for the edge of the platform. The boy gasped and slammed his feet onto the ground, sliding along. While he and the wheelchair stopped just fine, the older girl was propelled out of the seat and towards the ocean. "No waaaaaaay!"  
Jude snorted. Curious, Milla leaned over his shoulder.  
The girl swam to the edge of the platform again and pulled herself back onto dry land, dripping wet like a mermaid that was just changed into a human, and rushed over to Jude. She kneeled down and bowed in shame.  
"I'm so sorry! We were just messing around and-" she stammered and got a good look. "...Jude!? What? You're here? Why? Oh! Uh, this is actually... you know this... and just... a-anyway...!" Her eyes actually took in what she saw and travelled down to Milla's legs, still wrapped in bandages, though they now showed some dirt on them from when she had crawled on the ground. "She's hurt!"  
"Mh. We were on our way to my dad's." Jude said as ways of explanation and the girl grabbed the wheelchair and turned it towards them, patting the back of it slightly. With a sense of gratitude, Jude turned and knelt, carefully lowering Milla into it.  
It certainly was a bit more comfortable now, though she still felt a bit awkward. This way, she was sitting and smaller than either of them, which still gave her that weak, fragile feeling. She was on eyelevel with the two children now, who were still standing around and looked at her with wide, curious eyes. She returned their gaze, unaware that hers held the same kind of curiosity.  
"Sorry, guys. We'll play again later, okay?" the girl said and the kids waved goodbye, with her grabbing the two handles in the back of the wheelchair and beginning to push it in front of her and up a ramp, Jude walking by her side.  
"So, you two know each other?" Milla asked, the silence having felt a bit weird to her.  
"Ah, yes. Leia Rolando, my childhoodfriend." Jude explained. "Leia, this is Milla Maxwell."  
"Hi. Sorry, gets bumpy now." Leia said and passed through the gate that separated port and town, with the ground changing from smooth stone to uneven cobblestone, which did jiggle Milla in the chair a bit.  
"Oh, the bully."  
"Bully? Jude! What did you tell her?" Lei asked in indignation, but aside from Jude stuttering a bit, nothing came from it. Since she turned the wheelchair into one of the first buildings, they must already have gotten to the Mathis Clinic. Inside, the wood of the building had a rustic atmosphere and a woman with black hair met them almost at the door.  
"Jude. Welcome home." she smiled. "Oh, a patient for us?"  
"I'm home, mom. Yeah," he answered. "we need to get a good look at her legs. And do you remember what dad used to work on lame body parts? I know he used something, but I can't remember where he last put it..."  
His mother gave him a stern look, but then took over the steering of the wheelchair.  
"First, we assess the injuries, Jude. Then we look for solutions." she reminded him and wheeled Milla into the exam room, sentencing Jude and Leia to wait outside. The exam room had a more greenish shade to anything that she would have expected to be white. That's how she mostly knew exam rooms and medical things to be in books. White. A man was standing next to a desk, his head lifting from a patient file he had been reading when he heard them come in. He wore glasses and had short, brown hair and some fine lines around his mouth. But his eyes were the same shade of brown as Jude's, so he must have been Jude's father.  
"Derrick Mathis." he introduced himself, offering his hand to Milla.  
A bit confused, she took and shook it. She was wheeled next to the exam table and, with barely a word of warning, Derrick had lifted her out of the chair and onto the table. He went to a small sink on the opposite wall and washed his hands, before putting on a pair of thin, plastic gloves. Almost methodically, he pushed a small, wheeled table towards his wife, who began a new patient file.  
She asked Milla a few simple questions, like her name and problem with her legs.  
"They're paralyzed." she answered bluntly.  
"Mh." Derrick replied and began a similar spiel to the doctor at Driselle's home. The little wheeled tool run up her legs, the tiny hammer knocked around her kneecap. Neither of them had any changed result. He mumbled to himself, but apparently his wife understood him just fine, because she kept writing notes on the file. "Alright, lie down. We'll see what the bandages are about."  
"Covering injuries from when the shackle exploded." Milla told him after lying down.  
Derrick, who had begun to slowly unwrap the bandages on one leg, stopped in his motion. Exactly what he was thinking at that moment was difficult to tell, but there was a stiff, almost scary look in his eyes for a few seconds. But then he seemed to think better of it and continued to remove the bandages from one leg, then the other.  
Curious, Milla looked down and saw it herself.  
Her legs looked weird, to say the least. There were fresh scabs here and there in patches, some had a strange white circle around them, which she figured might be some piece of her former boots that had gotten stuck to her skin, but not properly removed. Other than that, they looked fine. It was almost eerie the way she had injuries right next to perfectly smooth, pink skin.  
Still mumbling, Derrick examined her legs, pressing and turning them. From an outsider's perspective, it looked coldhearted, almost brutal, the way he lifted her leg, bent it easily towards Milla's chest and stretched it out again. But since Milla couldn't feel a single thing, not even when the injuries themselves were touched, it only looked bad.  
"Jude said that you had something that could cure me." Milla told him when he had finished his exam and had told his wife to reapply some bandages on her legs. She was working slowly, but each wrap was evenly layered and, Milla noticed, her left leg was now wrapped clockwise and her right leg counterclockwise.  
"Deal: you answer my question, I'll answer whether you can or can't be helped." Derrick replied and turned, his arms crossed.  
"...answer what?"  
"What is your relation to my son?"  
"We are not having illicit, carnal affairs, if that is what you are concerned about." Milla shot back without batting an eyelash, recalling that is something that parents tended to be worried about. Though usually more about men hanging around their daughters. "Jude is a friend. And he brought me here, to get you to help me. That is all."  
Derrick inhaled deeply, unclear if she had been trying to make a joke about the affair thing, but knew it wasn't worth thinking over.  
"Very well, I'll be blunt. No, I cannot help you." he said and turned around again. "I don't have that technology anymore."  
Her hopes, which she had slowly let rise on the way to Leronde, dropped faster than one could imagine.  
So, it was pointless, after all. The journey had been pointless. The fleeting moment of hope she had had in that room at Driselle's, with the slight warning she had felt that it might not work, had been correct. There was nothing to be done. And that horrible, burning gut feeling of being useless arose in her again, making her feel sick.  
"You're probably tired from the journey. We'll have you spend the night here, for observation. The injuries are fresh and, while covered, I want to keep an eye on them for a bit. Especially since it looked like you crawled through stuff you shouldn't." Derrick said, though how well Milla was listening wasn't clear. She moved automatically to the edge of the exam table and Erin assisted her back into the wheelchair, grabbing her patient file and wheeled her out of the room and down the hall, with Jude and Leia following behind her, before bringing her into a small patient room. Leia and Jude's mother picked Milla up and put her onto the bed.  
"Milla..." Jude started, but his mother lifted her hand and he immediately silenced himself, seeing Milla put the covers up to her shoulder and lying down, facing the wall. She obviously didn't want company, too busy actually digesting the news Derrick had so easily dropped on her. She didn't notice how Leia talked with Jude's mother as they left.  
She didn't even notice that her foot had peeked out from under the cover and was hanging out of the bed, which Jude carefully pushed underneath the cover again, before leaving and closing the door behind himself.

* * *

"Milla..."  
Waking up, feeling a hand jiggling her shoulder slightly, Milla shook her head and opened her eyes. It was dark in the room, with only a small amount of moonlight falling through the window. Jude was leaning a bit over her and kept his finger on his lips, making it clear that she should keep quiet. Sitting up, she looked at him and saw Leia standing near the door.  
"I found it." Jude whispered, holding up a box with its top off, revealing some strange, hexagon shape and with little hooks around the edges. There was a kind of gemstone in the hexagon shape, but it was dull and mostly sucked in any light, rather than reflect it. Jude took it out of the box and pulled the cover off of Milla, motioning for her to turn on her side.  
He attached it to her right thigh.  
"...how is it?" he asked, still keeping his voice low. "Anything?"  
"...No." Milla answered. Her legs were still numb and limp.  
Jude muttered to himself, similarly the way his father had done, wondering what the issue was. There was nothing like a manual, so no way to see if they had skipped a step in the 'How To Use' section. While his memory of his father using this technology was vague, he knew for sure that all it required to work was to attach it to the person's lame body part.  
"Jude?" Leia asked, coming closer. "What about that gem? Doesn't it look... used?"  
Both paid more attention to the gem, which still looked the same as before. Curious, Milla touched the gem on her thigh and felt a familiar, tingling sensation at the tip of her finger.  
"It's a spirit stone." she said and earned confused looks from the two. "Stones that are infused with the mana of a spirit; Undine told me that they are very rare these days, but used to be much more common centuries ago. They aren't permanent, as the mana in them tends to be a mere fraction of the spirit's and when the mana is used up, they lose their luster and properties."  
"Hm..." Jude tipped his left temple in thought. "There is the Felgana Mine. Gems and jewels were often excavated from it and this stone might have originally come from there... I wonder if we could find another spirit stone there... Are you up for this, Milla?"  
"What?" she asked.  
"If we head off to the mine, we could look for a spirit stone and use it to heal your legs. And with any luck, we'll find it soon and make it back here before it gets light again." he explained calmly.  
Milla cocked her head to the side in confusion. Jude wanted to take her along for this? With her lame legs, into an old, abandoned mine that was likely filled with tiny passages on rough, uneven ground? It sounded unnecessarily complicated and like a very bad idea, in general, because of the circumstances. It would be difficult to maneuvre the wheelchair inside of the mine, unless Jude was going to carry her again, though she doubted he'd do that.  
And he was called a prodigy in his medical school, the way he said it once... But, the more she thought about it, it probably made sense. Neither of them had recognized the stone for what it was, perhaps her presence was needed, so they would be able to find one. Sighing slightly, Milla sat up and pushed her legs over the edge of the bed.  
"Let's go." she said.

* * *

Milla had been carried on Jude's back out of the clinic, Leia slowly and quietly pushing the wheelchair outside. The journey to the mine itself had been overall rather easy, as the streets of Leronde were completely deserted at this time of the night and the Voltea Woods, leading to the mine they wanted, were not as densely populated with trees.  
The mine itself was dark and had a musty, dank smell in the air.  
Just as she had thought, the mine mostly consisted of narrow passages that were uneven and jiggled Milla around in the wheelchair, beginning to get a headache after some bumps made her hit her side against the side of the passage. Leia apologized whenever it happened, but Milla shrugged it off. It wasn't Leia's fault, though she made sure to move more carefully after such an occurence, and Milla began to think that was a horrible idea. And getting deeper into the mine was difficult, as some of the passages had collapsed slightly and new paths had to be broken free, which Jude did with a pickaxe he picked up at the entrance of the mine.  
"Does anything feel like a spirit stone yet?" Jude asked, rubbing his hands together after using the pickaxe on a wall again.  
"...Not yet. I think I can feel something, but it's deeper inside." Milla answered.  
A part of her really wanted to snap at him for thinking that taking her to this place, useless as she was, in the middle of the night and not having a plan beyond groping in the darkness was pretty stupid. Maybe his goodnatured intentions had gotten the better of him and made him lose his calm, logical composure or the mining idea made him giddy.  
But she knew they had to go through with this, it was the only thing that might help her anymore...  
She really hoped this was going to work...

* * *

A few things here. First, this is what I _wanted_ in the game. I wanted to hear, or see, Milla actually caring that her legs exploded and got paralyzed. In fact, I restarted my original run of the game and opted for Milla's route at this point, because I was hoping I was going to get a scene that had her monologue via skit or extra scene about how she felt about this... but I didn't. She didn't even seem to care that she couldn't fulfill her mission, the one thing she had as a goal in life. Instead, she treated it like a minor inconvenience and I saw no change between her before or after her legs were healed. And never noticed that it supposedly caused her pain, until I did a subevent in Xian Du. Oh, and I had to call out Jude's stupid idea of taking Milla into the mine. Yeah, I think if I ever have a sprained ankle or broken leg, I'll just go walk it off by mountain climbing. D'oi! I tried to give him an excuse for doing that.  
Second, this is where I show my ass and that the only version of Xillia I played was the Japanese one. So, I don't know what the stone in the Aspyrix (or Jintex, as it was in Japanese) was actually called in the English version. I merely translated it in a simple way from the Japanese term.  
Finally, I was really tempted to turn this into a full-fledged comedy when I wrote the part of Milla falling off the horse.  
Well, I might do it in another chapter or story...


	5. Dearest Friend

Namco owns the rights to the Tales of Xillia character.  
I'm merely using this as an expressive way to 'correct' pairings, heehee.

* * *

Ludger and Jude landed in Marksburg's harbor on the Elympios side.  
This place looked identical to the one in their dimension, but there was something different about the atmosphere. Despite being the connecting location between Elympios and Rieze Maxia, it was completely deserted. No merchants loudly proclaiming about their fresh produce to entice customers to swarm to their little stands and no potential customers that called to friends they saw in the crowd. It was somewhat late in the day, the sun was setting, but that was never a time when this place was devoid of people. It wasn't just because this looked so unfamiliar to them, there was something in the air that gave it a creepy aura to it.  
"Let's hurry and find the divergence crystal..." Jude said and Ludger nodded.  
They were walking through the connecting passage to Rieze Maxia's side, which was just as deserted. The shops weren't properly closed, though. The doors were wide open, even a few of the usually straight aligned shelves were crooked, some merchandise having fallen to the ground. It looked like it had been all abandoned in a hurry.  
Both shot quick glances at each other, both intending to rush through this area and head to the other side. Whatever was going on, it was best to not linger here and, with any luck, they would find something out over there. They ran through the empty passage, but just when they reached the gate that led to the other side, they stopped.  
Strange noises came from up ahead, with the familiar clanging of metal on metal and obvious yelling and screaming. Clearly, there was some sort of fight going on up ahead. Glancing at each other again, they proceeded with a bit more caution. The sun's light was reflected from the glass walls and blinded them for a second when they stepped through the gate. And something dark blue streaked past them on the left and disappeared behind the building over the water.  
"M-Muzét?!" Jude gasped, thinking like he had recognized her.  
He was right. Muzét, her arms littered with gashes and bruises, flew past them, her arm glowing as she began chanting a spell. As she moved, a loud shot rang out and the spirit flinced mid-flight. Then, when the initial shock of being hit passed her, she kept charging. And while Jude was still trying to comprehend what he saw, he felt Ludger tap his shoulder and made him focus on up ahead.  
There certainly was a fight going on. And it had already claimed victims.  
Against the glare of the sunset, Jude saw a tall figure lying on the ground, with their upper torso having slipped over the edge of the ground and dangling above the water. They dressed in dark colors, so any wounds were difficult to see on the body, but blood was pouring from an obvious bullet hole from their forehead. Was that... Rowen?  
Before he could focus more on that, he noticed someone else. Someone was slowly crawling on the ground towards another figure. Instinctively, he wanted to rush over and heal them, as he was wont to do with injured people. But he barely got two steps in, before Ludger grabbed him by the shoulders and stopped him. Jude wanted to snap at him, but followed the other's gaze.  
And he recognized the two figures. This dimension's Leia was crawling towards an injured Jude.  
"J-Jude..." he could hear Leia say, her voice shakey.  
Jude's eyes went over his other self, quickly noting all the injuries, and did the same with that Leia. Her arms were shaking like crazy and there were several dark red circles on her back, obviously from bullets shot at her, with two of them around her shoulders. They must have cracked, if not broken her shoulderblades. Her hands and knees were full of scratches and dirt from crawling. She was leaving a trail of blood behind her. The injured Jude was lying on his stomach and still on the ground, like he was already dead, but his back was still moving with breathing. His labcoat was stained with red and his arms were full of deep gashes. One of his legs was twisted at a weird angle, definitely broken. He clearly hadn't moved from where he had fallen, given his condition and the puddle of his own blood he was lying in.  
They were both goners. Jude knew it. And they knew it themselves, both of them having studied medicine.  
"Jude...?" Leia gasped, sounding worried and near tears, then saw his hand twitch.  
"L... Leia...?" the other Jude mumbled almost incoherently.  
"Jude...! I have to..." she crawled close to him and put her hand onto his, gripping it tightly.  
"What about... Milla...?" he asked.  
Leia's eyebrows furrowed together. She didn't move, but the two observers looked behind her and tried to make out Milla from afar. It was difficult, with it getting steadily darker. But they did make out long, blonde hair draped over the side of one of the benches. Milla was slumped on one of them, her sword just barely still in her mangled hand that looked like it had been crushed by something heavy and her short, white dress drenched in red blood. Then movement caught their eyes and they looked away, focusing on Muzét who was still busily fighting the assailant. Whom they recognized.  
Ludger?!  
Jude and Ludger looked at each other in disbelief and turned back, but their attention was pulled back to Leia and the other Jude.  
"She's still fighting." Leia answered and the other Jude gave a small, relieved smile.  
"Good..." he said and held Leia's hand tighter. "How... badly are you... injured...? I can't see anymore..."  
"Pretty bad..." she admitted, hearing the strange rhythm of Jude's breathing. His lung must have been punctured. "There's something..."  
She started to talk but stopped, her knuckles turning white as she shook and tried to ignore the burning pain that was spreading through her whole body. Jude must have noticed, because his hand gripped hers and tried to pull her closer. Then she gasped, forcing herself to bear the pain and keep going. Her other hand trailed along Jude's arm and held onto his sleeve.  
"I need to... tell you..." she went on, clenching her teeth when she inhaled. "And this... is really a now... or never moment..."  
While she braced herself, the Jude from the prime dimension stared, a horrible feeling in his gut. Even if this situation hadn't been such a shock to him already, he was almost dreading letting this little scenario in front him continue. He wanted to rush over, to heal their injuries or put them out of their misery, despite knowing what could happen upon getting too close to an alternate dimension's version of himself.  
"Jude, I... I love you..." Leia finally said and looked at her injured and dying friend. "For a long time..."  
Tears were spilling from her eyes and wiping clean trails in the dirt on her face, before dripping onto the ground. But despite her injuries, despite this horrible situation, she did her best to smile while confessing. Yet, Jude didn't answer. He was lying still and Leia began to look terrified, forcing her last little strength to squeeze his hand.  
"...Jude?" she asked, worried that he might already be dead.  
"I... see..." he slowly answered.  
Leia looked relieved for a few seconds, but then her face fell in grief and she laid her head next to Jude's. She had noticed. His back wasn't rising or falling anymore. He had stopped breathing and was dead. At the very least, she had managed to tell him and get her feelings acknowledged. Before it was too late.  
And only a little away from them, Jude was staring in complete horror at the two on the ground, with Leia having died mere seconds later. Jude's view was getting smaller and his heart was hammering so hard that the sound pounded in his ears. He was only dimmly aware of hearing Ludger transform and confront his alternate self, destroying the divergence crystal. The scenery in front of him shattered and a strong pull transported the two back into the prime dimension.  
Still, the image of the two dead bodies was remaining in front of Jude's eyes. He was frozen in place, staring at the ground. Ludger stepped next to him and gave him an encouraging pat on the shoulder. Nodding slightly, Jude began to move, following Ludger back to the inn.

* * *

"Oh, back already? That was fast." Alvin said with a grin.  
The group was sitting in the eating area of Marksburg's inn, mostly just sitting around and drinking now, waiting for Jude and Ludger to return. Ludger had gotten a call about a fractured dimension earlier and the two had decided to quickly take care of it.  
"...what's with Jude?" Alvin asked.  
Jude was standing next to Ludger, his shoulders slumped and gaze still fixated on the floor, which it had been the entire time. His eyes were rigid and wide open and his face had a sallow, grayish tint to it. He didn't seem to blink as much he'd normally would, either. Ludger glanced at his friend, unclear how he should tell them what had gone down.  
"Jude...?" Leia asked and began to get out of her chair. Suddenly, Jude moved. He grabbed her wrist and pulled her towards him, putting his arms around and embraced her tightly. He hid his face in her shoulder and silently stood there. It wasn't clear if he was crying, but slowly, hesitantly, Leia put her own arms around him and hugged him back.  
"What happened?" Milla asked, her eyes wandering away from the two and looking at Ludger.  
Slowly, Ludger began to tell them what had occured in the fractured dimension. How his equivalent had attacked and killed the party, though they hadn't figured out the reason why. He did hesitate, glancing at Jude, when it came to recounting the deaths of that dimension's Leia and Jude. He didn't want to tell them that final conversation they had overheard, but Jude was refusing to move from his clinging hug, so he couldn't somehow ask if he was okay with it being revealed. So Ludger decided to remain silent about it.  
He did tell them, though, that Jude had seen himself and his oldest friend die in front of him.  
Milla nodded slightly, when Ludger stopped talking.

* * *

Hours later, Leia was standing on the balcony of her hotel room. There was a slight, cool wind going.  
She felt shaken up from the news of that fractured dimension, though she was sure that the others were, too. In one dimension, 'she' was dead. Although she had known it was a possibility, somehow learning that it did happen in one dimension, made it feel more real. Leia Rolando had died in that dimension, even if the dimension didn't exist anymore.  
Leia suddenly felt a hand running along her back.  
"Wah!" she gasped and turned, seeing Jude behind her.  
He must have entered her room, which she hadn't locked for the night yet, when she had been deep in thought.  
"You had so many bullet wounds..." Jude mumbled sadly.  
Leia looked at him, the way he was frowning and his mouth was turned down, obviously still fighting the image of seeing the two of them dying. She wanted to cheer him up, even if it was a little, but she wasn't sure how to.  
"That Ludger must've known I didn't die from one bullet wound, so he made sure." she said jokingly. But Jude flinched and he frowned worse when she said that. Clearly, he felt like making fun of a previous close call of hers was not appropriate for now. "Sorry."  
Leia turned towards the city again and leaned against the banister, looking at the sky. She felt a slightly strange atmosphere between them. He probably was here, looking for comfort, and to see how she was doing. But there was also something in the air that told her there was more. Something that he needed to get off his chest. She had noticed Ludger hesitating earlier. Maybe more had happened there.  
"Leia," Jude started. "there's something... In that dimension..."  
"Did something happen? When we died?" she asked and earned a nod from him.  
"You... she..." he stuttered, unsure which pronoun to use. "said that... she loved me... Jude..."  
Leia blushed and looked away. So, that had happened. Apparently that Leia had used her final moments to confess her love, that had been just as longstanding and likely unrequited as hers, to Jude. To not regret not telling him earlier. She felt curious now and wanted to ask a lot of questions. Had she said a lot? Or cut to the chase? And how had that Jude reacted? Had they had enough time to confess and answer?  
"I see..." she finally said lowly.  
In spite of himself, Jude snorted.  
"What?" Leia asked.  
"No, just..." he admitted. "That's what I... that Jude said to her confession."  
Leia reached out and put her hand on his arm. He put his own hand over hers, looking like there was still more bothering him. He gripped her hand a bit tighter and looked at her.  
"I'm wondering if... the same applies in this dimension?"  
She looked at him a bit confused, but then realized what he meant. Clearly, he wanted to know if she was in love with him 'here', too. Blushing furiously, Leia avoided meeting his eyes and studied their shoes, instead. And took a deep breath.  
"...yes."  
The silence between them was heavy. Even the wind seemed to stop blowing. The city's usual nightlife was going on beneath them, people walking around, calling to each other and sitting outside of restaurants or cafés, enjoying some fresh air. But here, their world was challenged. The relationship they've had up to now changed, even without an answer on his side.  
"Urgh..." Leia went, leaning on the banister and putting her head on her hands. "This wasn't how I wanted to confess...! Eventually..."  
"Sorry. For making you-"  
"It's okay." she interrupted him, lifting her hand.  
"Sorry," Jude repeated. "I was just wondering... and now I worry. How many other dimensions there are, how many more Leias might..."  
"Jude. Don't worry about it so much." she told him. "I know it's not a nice thought, but you shouldn't feel guilty. You don't have any control over what happens in the other dimensions... As for what happened in that dimension, well..."  
She hesitated, looking for the right words.  
"Well, I think that 'I'... that this Leia was happy. Of course, it didn't have a happy ending. But she did manage to tell him how she felt and, given what you said earlier, Jude acknowledged them. So, even if he didn't share her feelings... I think that was enough for her."  
Jude stared at her for a while, lost for words.  
Leia shifted her weight a bit. While the topic wasn't overly pleasant, the mood between them was still good. Its typical closeness, even a shade of emotional vulnerability, but comfortable about it. And she thought that she might make use of it, even if it might lose part of its weight. Since she had technically already confessed to him.  
"Jude, can I... is it okay if I properly confess to you?" she asked, blushing slightly.  
Jude looked at her and slowly nodded, taking her hands into his.  
"...I love you, Jude. And I have for a very long time." Leia confessed, her face burning bright red. She knew that she could have said a lot more. Maybe should have said, trying to explain the depth of her feelings. How being with him had always been able to calm her down or cheer her up. How she missed him, when he left for the Talim Medical School. How the tiny, golden earrings he had given her for her eight birthday were among her most treasured possessions. But she didn't. Somehow, the idea of trying to use words seemed difficult to her. As if the right words for how much she loved him hadn't been invented yet and the others just didn't quite fit.  
Jude looked at her, then gave her hands a squeeze and opened his mouth.  
"Leia-"  
"Relax." she interrupted him, taking her hand out of his grasp and held it up. "I didn't expect an immediate answer. In fact, I wasn't aiming for an answer from you to begin with. Of course, an answer would be great... but I don't want you to force yourself into one. If you want to answer, then take all the time you want. I just... wanted to really be honest with myself. And properly confess."  
The two stood in silence for a while, both flushed with embarrassment. Eventually, slowly, Jude embraced her again and held her close. Leia hugged him back, a small part of her wondering if this was his answer. Though she doubted it. And didn't want it to be.  
"I'll stay with you tonight." he whispered.  
"Mh." she went, knowing what he meant. Regardless of her confession, too much had happened today and he wanted, needed comfort. She knew that and actually felt somewhat the same. Just something to hold onto and likely be there, in case a nightmare or horrible memories were to haunt them. She nodded, understanding him.  
They went back into the room, the balcony and room's door being closed and locked for the night. A few clothing pieces taken off, all the lights except the one next to the bed got turned off and they slipped beneath the covers. Jude leaned back and turned the last light off, before settling down and put his head onto the pillow, pulling Leia close. She snuggled up to him and enjoyed the feeling of his hand slowly running across her back in a soothing manner.  
The room was quiet for a bit, both trying to fall asleep.  
"Leia...?" Jude asked, breaking the silence.  
"Mh?" she went, almost asleep, and tried to stay awake long enough to listen.  
"This isn't my answer, but... I don't know if I love you in that way," he said quietly. "but I do know, that you are my dearest friend. And I don't want to lose you."  
Leia blushed slightly at those words and nodded.  
"I know." she said and cuddled up against his chest, falling asleep peacefully.

* * *

Yeah, I should tell you. It'd be best to not expect a lot of Milla chapters. At least, not a whole lot that have her as the main character. I find her difficult to write, though this may be just a practice thing, and I'm unsure if I could keep my personal dislike for her out of my writing all the time. Hope you enjoyed this one.


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